Oddball Appreciation Rant

I don't go around showing off every eBay acquisition, but this one is special.  The auction was for a stack of forty oddballs; and while I do have a lot of oddballs, a quick glance at the pictures revealed quite a few I have never even seen let alone possess.  I knew they had to be mine, and at only 50 cents per card (cheap for new Griffeys), it wasn't long before I pulled the trigger.

Now I'm here to say: this eBay lot has single-handedly rekindled my passion for the oddball.

I rarely blow 20 bucks on a stack of Griffeys unless there are some key inserts or relics in there I couldn't live without, but I gave this one a lot of thought.  What is it that makes a collection special?  Unique?  Truly great?  It all comes down to the oddballs, my friend.

No, they're not in Beckett, but why should that stop you?  Everybody's got a million dup's of the '91 Topps All-Star, the '95 Pinnacle bubble gum card, the '94 Upper Deck Superman, but you're not like everybody else.  You know that stuff just won't cut it.

You can't be any geek off the street - you gotta be pretty handy with the cardboard if you know what I mean to earn your keep.  You've got to regulate.

It can't be all Topps, Upper Deck, Fleer, even Pacific.  No, you need the weirdos.  The misfit cards.  No home, no licensing, and a questionable pedigree.

These are the cards that set your collection apart.  The cards that say "Yeah, I collect.  And I'm pretty serious about it.  Recognize."  Then comes the respect....and possibly women.

But you can't take your eyes off of that prize.  Don't settle.  Take your PC and run with it.  Be it a set, a team, or just one guy - you make that shizz yours.  Organize, catalog endlessly, make lists, blog often, creep people out on Twitter.  Do what it takes.

Only then can you become a champion.  "Oh, you like this card?  I got it in seven different colors, fool.  And this one?  I don't even know what the hell it is, but I do know one thing: I own it."  Bam - respect.

So players play, and haters step off.  Ain't no brakes in this paper chase.  The Junior Junkie came here to get Griffeys - and the gettin's good.

John From Florida is a Trading Saint

Do you guys know John?  He lives in Florida and is awesome.  He runs this place, and is about to get a bunch of Braves dropped in his mailbox.  Watch out!

I really enjoy this set.  I think it's the way they do the colors.  This Clark just looks...official.  Good on you, Donruss.

 Here's a nice couple of Chucks, which I call a Chuckle.

And THAT, my friends, is a NEW GRIFFEY!  Do not have that Upper Deck card on the left, now I do.  Wimmy wam-wam-wozzle.  Let's party.

And there's that colorful Donruss set again, bein' cool.

 A pair from 2000 Victory - this set frickin' worshipped our guy, diddnit?  No complaints...
 

Last but not least we have a nice stack of modern-day Saints.  John's fantasy QB is Drew Brees.  He's also my city's actual QB which is usually a good thing.  Even he couldn't help us this past Monday Night, but usually he's pretty good.  And I love that one of Devery in his LSU uniform.  I miss that guy...

Thanks, John!  Big box o' Braves coming your way....

One Healthy Trade Envelope

 

Here is one of the greatest notes I've ever gotten in a trade envelope.  It's from Jeff of the great blog 2 x 3 Heroes.  I went back to the post where I first asked Jeff for this card to see what I said, and, well....I said bro.  I guess I'm a bro guy. Coulda been worse apparently.

Regardless, this patch is amazing and very, very healthy I assure you.  No diseases here.  We are all very excited about Mr. Stills here in NOLA, so this is one I was truly excited to pull from the mail.  Thanks a ton, Jeff!

Oh, wait...

A nice batch of Cincy-era Griffeys, too!  I'm having a tough time deciding what is the icing here and what is the cake.  Thanks again, Jeff!

COMC Shipping Anxiety

I’ve discovered a new disorder – I call it COMC Shipping Anxiety.  It happens when you’ve been building up a healthy stack of reserved cardboard on COMC, but you don’t feel like you have enough to justify blowing three more dollars in credit just to get them shipped, so you put it off as long as possible even though you want those cards right now.  I mean they’re yours.  You own them.  But you can’t have them….not just yet.

There’s only one cure for it, too: paying the three dollars.  Unfortunately my health insurance doesn’t cover that despite my numerous letters, so when I had a case of CSA last week I had to dip into my credits.  Now I finally have all the cards I’ve picked up over the last month.  Here they are:

This card has water in it.  With sparkles.  How am I just hearing about this?

That Dunn combo card is serial numbered for some reason.  And check out that cool sci-fi Pacific card.

That Panini card is some flashy parallel - love it.  And is that another cool Pacific card?  Man, I miss those guys.  Topps could use some of the creative wackiness that Pacific put out in their heyday.

Believe it or not I already had the double and triple versions of the 2013 Pinnacle Clear Vision insert.  The single version here was the final holdout...and NOT the cheapest.  Check out that Planet Metal die-cut.  Gawjuss.

These will all go towards my Griffey on Vintage Topps Designs series.  I'm especially glad he got one of those "In Action" cards from the 80's.  Awesome card...

I bit the bullet and bought the other two Triumvirate cards to go with that one on the left.  I defy you to show me a more suggestively curvy card.  That Star Power subset from '96 Topps was always a little lackluster to me, but the Chrome version here is a knockout.  I highly recommend you pick one up.  They're cheap.

More of these.  I'm hoping to pick up the whole set exclusively with COMC credits.  May be finished by next year.  Fingers crossed...

The star here is that Pinnacle Home Run Club card is made of metal.  It was also the first set made of metal I ever saw.  Was glad to pick this one up on the cheap.

That's it until I get more sales credits.  Happy Holidays, everyone!

A Study in Low-Brow Baseball Card Humor (Nachos Grande BBC Rd. 4)

This is my entry for Round 4 of the Nachos Grande Blogger Bracket Challenge.  Feel free to go there and vote for your favorite post if you're so inclined.  I'm up against Comatoad of the great blog Bleedin' Brown and Gold who made a really cool video for the last round.  He's got mad skills...

Also, while this post does get a little blue, I respect all these guys and wish them well.  Enjoy!

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A Study in Low-Brow Baseball Card Humor

This card kind of stumped me.  It's pretty funny on its own, but I had no idea where to take it.  

First I tried to write a story.  It was about Ryan Sweeney accidentally running over Bud Selig’s dog and Selig conspiring with the card companies to give Sweeney only terrible cards.  I even went so far as to make a few in MS Paint which I am including here because I’d hate to see them go to waste.

I named Selig’s dog Mister Foofkins, and the dialogue in the post included the line, “Ready the pod!” which I absolutely loved. 

The problem with that is I was bored to tears.  So instead I decided to write what I know, and I know low-brow card humor.

Let’s face it, some cards are funny.  They weren’t trying to be, but as you flip through a stack of cardboard, they make you chuckle.  I love those cards, and I collect them with almost as much passion as I do Griffeys.

You’ve got the guys with huge 80’s glasses:

The funny names:

Mugging pitchers:

Gigantic cell phones:

Famous names:

Crazy hair days:

 And those cards that possess a certain hilarious je ne sais quoi:

Then there are the misfits - the innuendos, the photography mistakes, oversights, and sometimes completely out-in-the-open sight gags.  The ones that make you question who thought this was okay for kids to see.  Those cards are the stuff of legend, and the topic of this very post.  It may get a little elementary-school in here for some, but such is the nature of low-brow cardboard humor.  Let us stand and laugh together.

Here’s the prompt card again:

This is less a Ryan Sweeney card than it is a "We got a sweet shot of superstar Derek Jeter catching one in the marbles.  LOLZ.  Sorry, whoever that is in the background - you're getting the Jeter crotch photo...."

It’s reminiscent of this masterpiece:

Oof - right in the gooch.  This photo was taken at the perfect moment, and Keith's expression here makes it one of my absolute favorites.


Sliding can often result in some awkward poses and body positions.  Here are a few examples:

He's got to tag the guy - I get that - but why use the open, ungloved hand?  And what is with Len's expression?  No, no, none of this makes any sense at all....

Luis decided to go with the two-handed butt-touch much to the apparent delight of the baserunner.

Positions like this are why I could never play second base.  That foot is awfully close to slamming home.

Hee hee.  

Oh, my.

This one is all about Bagwell's expression.  His line of sight helps, too.

Some cards feature guys with hilarious names, and sometimes those names can get a little suggestive.  Here are a few of my favorites:



You may have heard the name John Thomas in a song from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life.  It may only be a British term, but that was enough to earn it a spot in this lineup.  My name is T.J., so the middle one made me chuckle.  Mr. Held should be self-explanatory.



Here are two Rusty's and a Shocker.  Mr. Kuntz (pronounced kyoontz) gets a lot of attention for his surname despite the fact that a lot of folks pronounce it incorrectly.  But who cares?  It's funny!



The card says "Pete," but I call him Peter.  And Kevin played for the Drillers which is just perfect.

Some of the best names in low-brow card humor come from guys named Dick.  The scientific name for a group of guys named Dick is a Dingus.  Here is a Dingus of Dicks:

I know Dick Pole is in there twice, but come on.  Dick Pole!  The guy on the bottom right is Randy Dicken.  Ahem.

I started to include a link here to what a Prince Albert is, but it would be most decidedly out of the scope of the low-browiness this blog.  Somebody at Topps had a good laugh here. 

This very well may be the king of low-brow cards.  Of course language changes through the years, so this didn't have the meaning then that it does now.

Here's a pair of sloppy photography mistakes.  Poor Claude actually has multiple XYZ cards.  This is the cheaper one.  The humor in Ray's card is also somewhat hidden, butt look hard enough and you'll find it in the end.

The proofreaders nowadays are a lot more selective, so such low-brow card humor is difficult to come across.  That Ryan Sweeney card is one of the few to come out of recent years.  I would like to see companies embrace the low-brow and release them as SP's or in a subset, so I've taken the liberty of redesigning the subject card myself.  Here it is, and if you ask me it's a heck of a lot more appropriate than the original: