Saturday, August 16, 2014

I Dare You to Read This (Don't, though)

I should not even be making this post, so I'm scheduling it for Saturday morning when I assume nobody is reading card blogs.

I found this on the Interwebz.  It's a rap song entitled "Ken Griffey, Jr."  It's not super family-friendly, nor is it very good even by hip-hop standards.  I've taken the liberty of highlighting the parts that are pertinent to Mr. Griffey, those being two lines which are identical.

I was hoping it would actually kind of be about Griffey in some way, but it's mostly poorly-rhymed misogynistic nonsense about how women are terrible.  Then he smokes weed and has lots of guns and money?  I'm not entirely certain.  My point is the title was poorly-chosen.  Plus it was written by an adult.  Think about that.

Oh, and I gave the performer the benefit of the doubt and listened to the song on YouTube.  It sounds like it was recorded on a radio morning show.  Plus the guy clearly penned his own Wikipedia page.  Yikes.

I'll come out now and say you should just not read it.  So, here it is!

"Ken Griffey

Where at? right here?
My daddy used to ball.
My daddy used to ball.

(Note: You should stop here, because if there were ever any kind of tracks related to Griffey, we are most definitely going off of them.)

I see the devil in her eyes,
She wear a hell of a disguise.
I should have never been surprised
(but it breaks my heart)
Feel like I never been this high
And I meant that s*** this time.
Told shawty I love her
And I meant that s*** this time
I text her "just me and you"
She text me back "quit lyin'"
I'm just tryin'
You know the blind leadin' the blind.
My mind in a bind,
And my heart in a twist.
If I do commit
Then what's gon' be the benefit?

Well too late
She's already lost her innocence.
Dinner dates,
"it ain't trickin' if you got it"
You 'ont get it,
In a sense
You're gettin' tricked.
Thinkin' that's your woman,
Ain't that a b****?

I just call it like I see it,
Like a unk.
Punk is got them plump lumps.
I'm at they neck
Like a f*****' razor bump.
Pepe le pew, U.A.B.
In other words I'm blazin' skunk.
I just got off stage,
You might not make that all month.
But I take none of it for granted,
Even though I understand it.
They only care about a n****
When I drop that new s***
And they start comparing me to jigga
Or 2Pac, when he was fresh out.
Chest out, Got a FN on the console
And a Tec out
"BOW" made my own bond on my last 4 charges.
I'm just hopin' them my last 4 charges.
I do this s*** for Boosie,
Back to back 4 charges,
Cuz just got that "Maro" out the shop...
That mutha f**** pissed!
I be having to drop my camera man back off,
I be on some other s***
Shout out my homies in the bay
Og train wreck and that bubbly.
I'm just tryin' to make the difference,
Though I only does edition.
I'm talking comprehension,
I really get it. Get it?
I'm talking compensation,
Yea that right, money talks.
I'm making conversation,
I hustle everyday.
Might not ever take a long vacation,

I decided to give him a call
It's like they only love a n****
When Don Trip was involved.
(Stepbrothers... its on the way, its on the way though)

[Don Trip]
Yeah, yeah, the man's in here.
I'm so mutha f*****' fly I need landing gear.
I'm not really from this planet,
I'm just stranded here.
In some pretty bitch mouth like some damn veneers.
I know my flow's so stupid,
I'm on point like a toothpick
And you softer than goose s***.
Really the truth,
Most these rappers is groupies.
A match in the sunlight...
You n****s is useless.

Dammit this is uncharted land
That I'm standin' on.
In a pool of sharks
And I'm bout to do a cannon ball.
They say never try to kill
Mosquitoes with a cannon ball,
So I just watch you n****s die slow,
As if I planned it all.
I dare you to f*** with me.
Who gon' do what to me?
Murder for hire...
It ain't s*** but a buck to me.
Yea right lucky,
"Mr. fighting for custody"
Addicted to fast money,
Fresh out of recovery.

My slice of humble pie
Should be coming any day now.
I took a whole week off,
To build my kids a playground.
Monkey bars, jungle gyms,
Slides and a swing-set.
Still found time
To cop s*** that ain't released yet.
B**** I'm a machine,
Although, I come with plenty defects,
Peep that,
I got too much game to press reset.

Ridin' wit a bad b****,
Whinin' bout respect.
Search this b**** seat...
I hope this mutha f**** eject.
Hand that b**** a parachute,
Land on yo man wit yo needy a**.
Shoulda zipped her lips
Like a freezer bag.
Shout out my brother LITO
Cuz even when we leave the lab,
You gotta know I got that n**** back,
Like a heatin' pad.

Honestly, I prolly wouldn't rap
If I ain't need the cash.
I'm strapped and you know everything I pack
Take extended mags.
Pretty b**** I got
Love to shop
Plus she need a tan.
I got her chewing wood
Like she tryin' to build a beaver dam.

NOTCH! ch ch ch
B**** ch ch ch"

Why did you just do that?


  1. Did he seriously talk about a smelly cartoon character?

  2. Ah, geez I forgot I even scheduled this.

  3. I just had to listen to it. Didn't find it on YouTube, but I found another Griffey rap:

    1. Here's one more. This one has Griffey himself rapping...